Five Gentle Approaches to a Spicier Sex Life

Sex is my favorite thing to talk about, and anyone who is friends with me knows how comfortable I am with the subject. From jokes about me being a sex therapist to analyzing sexual personalities, it’s something I cover in a lot of conversations because I make it known that I’m the person you can do that with. I’ve had my fair share of experiences and experiments with achieving the most satisfactory sex life possible, so I typically have a viewpoint to share about a wide variety of subjects. It’s given me the opportunity to not only understand my own experiences, but to understand how my experiences carry over to different sexual personalities.

One of my favorite things to talk about with girlfriends is igniting the excitement back in the bedroom. I believe sexual wellness is vital to a healthy relationship (unless you are asexual, of course) and maintaining a sense of new can carry over into other aspects of your loving bond. Very few friends of mine have the sexual exploration bug on the same level as I do, but they still need advice on things they can try out to keep the bedroom fresh but also within their comfort zones. Luckily, comfort zones are a pretty big deal to me, so I came up with a list of five simple methods of introducing something potentially new without being over the top intense for new explorers.

My list contains suggestions for purchases but you are free to utilize my generalized suggestions for other searches that suit your interests better. My list is also composed of things I feel may be uncommonly recommended so this isn’t another typical article that just bores you in repetition. I hope you find an idea you like, regardless!

1. Floggers: When you first look at a flogger, you likely think, “No way, that’s for whipping people!” Well, it’s not necessarily for whipping purposes only. Floggers are actually much more effective, in my opinion, when utilized for a lighter slapping sensation that involves a feeling of being caressed by multiple lightweight fingertips. When your partner holds the flogger and you have presented your bare backside, they can utilize very little strength in X motions across your behind to create a gentle slapping sensation that also provides the caressing I mentioned as the several straps drag themselves teasingly across your skin. This requires a certain confidence and trust with your partner, knowing they will not overstep your limits and provide an enjoyable experience without the fear of pain. Be certain to make this intention very clear if a flogger becomes interesting as a method of expanding your intimate moments. Being mindful of exactly how this should be performed and establishing trust prior to trying it out are vital to this experience working well.

2. Frozen glass dildos: It seems the main purpose of dildos (besides assisting with orgasms) is to mimic the sensation of an actual penis, which is great, because most people want their toys to feel like the real thing without having to do the actual deed. The glass dildo, on the other hand, is unique in that it aims to provide a sensation entirely different from sensations you may be very used to, such as genitalia or the use of other body parts. The hardness of glass certainly feels differently from the hardness of an erect penis, which I’ve found to be insanely enjoyable, but adding the key element of freezing the glass dildo before you use it elevates the experience in a way I wish I could explain well. The frozen piece is shocking upon entry, but once inside, your body doesn’t recognize the difference between hot or cold. It just knows that it feels something different, and that different sensation is surprisingly appealing! The best way to describe it is an added pressure all the way around the presence of the dildo itself that pushes outward, as if you’re feeling the sensation of a swelling erection inside of you; the difference is the glass dildo doesn’t “give” as much as a real member, so you’re contracting in pleasure around something that’s not working with your vaginal muscles. There are multiple things I enjoy about this, and I highly recommend it for anyone interested in taking things to the next (gentle) level.

3. Remote control toys: If you’re okay with letting your partner take control of the situation, remote controlled vibrators, dildos, and other toys are incredibly fun. Not only is your partner in control of your pleasure, they are also able to incorporate a lot of fun ways to heighten the pleasure of the experience. For example, they can decide to warn you that they’ll count to five before turning it up to the next speed, so you can anticipate the heightened pleasure as they count out loud. If they’re allowed to take it a step further, it can be exciting to play around with it and tell you they’re going to turn it up at number five, then turn it down instead. Catching you off guard with speed can actually create a stronger reaction from your body, as you were expecting more but ended up with less, thus resulting in heightened pleasure due to desiring what you expected to begin with. If you can emotionally and mentally handle the little mind games in order to drive your drive wild, this game is extraordinary to play with someone you trust implicitly.

4. Selfie Shoots: Are you a bit too nervous or conservative for a boudoir shoot, but you’d love to drive your partner wild with naughty photos with flair? Do a selfie shoot! My best piece of advice is to visit Spirit Halloween’s clearance accessories on the first of November (or all year round online) and buy up cute things like animal ears, decorative eye masks, make-up kits, angel wings, or anything that you think might pair well with a sexy dress or your partner’s favorite piece of lingerie you own. I’m personally fond of little fishnets, arm warmers, and gloves! Then, put together a special outfit with dramatic make-up, throw on some filters to enhance your features, and play all of those songs that make your inner sex deity come to life. Find old Halloween costumes or eye shadow colors you’d never wear outside the house and go bold, because you’re in complete control and no one is taking the photos and editing besides you. You get to take all your best shots with all your favorite colors, angles, and level of comfort with what you show the camera. This is all about you, and it benefits your partner’s adoring eyes. Be creative and tell your partner a story about how badly you want them through a series of selfies.

5. Sensual oral-only showering: Let’s face it, shower sex can be difficult to the point of being downright un-enjoyable. However, try using a sensual oral-only shower as your foreplay. Performing oral on your partner in the shower can have a different type of intimacy; the sensation of the water cleansing you both as you enact a “dirty” little deed is delightful to the naughtiest little bits of your brain, while the physical enjoyment of warm water running down both of your bodies is like an endless massage. Allowing your partner to turn up the heat by gently washing your hair or holding it up while they scrub your neck and back as you provide pleasure creates more intimacy as well! There are multiple ways to let the flow of water and the comfort of the heat lead you through a video-worthy foreplay session that brings both of you to higher levels of sexual enjoyment. It’s not too complicated or over-the-top, it has a more romantic vibe than my other suggestions, and once you’ve both achieved what you came for (pun absolutely intended), you can move it to the bedroom where lubrication exists and doesn’t go away with the shower water.

Some of these may seem like simple suggestions while others may give you the feeling of, “I thought she was going to tell us gentle stuff?!” I wouldn’t suggest these things if I thought you couldn’t handle them, I promise, but only you know what your limits are. Never feel like your sexual value is based on the tolerance an article suggests you might have. If my suggestions are still too much, don’t give up, because there are plenty of ideas out there. These are just slightly outside the box enough to be fun without trying to be too intimidating! Just remember that communication is your biggest key to success in enhancing your orgasm.