Growing Up

I have been learning a lot over the course of this past year. Even now, as I look at my past self several months ago, there is a heavy sense of embarrassment. Possessiveness and jealousy comes easy to someone who is not used to receiving the emotional support they crave as a human being wired for connection.

Unfortunately for me, I am not close to either of my parents. This is because they are emotionally incapable of loving me the way I need to be loved. Of course any other person could twist this into the notion of “then you should change how you need to be loved”; this, my friends, is what those of the new age community call gaslighting.

Each individual, whether it is because they are predisposed to certain conditions or because of their environment, is different. Of course, this should be common sense but you would be surprised. Individuals often times impose what works for them onto others, forgetting that the person they are talking to is wired with a specific set of beliefs and views that often trickle down onto another path.

You see, this is what my parents do sometimes, and why I keep myself at an emotional distance from them. They like to impose their attitudes and beliefs, and overtime this grows tiresome. Teaching your children lessons is a necessary form of education, as they will need this for when they are older. But when it comes to the point of dismissing the emotional body of their child entirely...that crosses the line.

Growing up can be difficult. It requires compassion, understanding, and accountability. Compassion in the sense that every living being has their reasons for why they are the way they are. It provides a gateway into wanting to understand and empathize with this person, such as a child trying to understand why their parents focus on certain aspects of life rather than others.

The key here, though, to achieving maturity is holding one accountable for their actions. Forgiveness can be reached but only through accountability. When one owns up to their mistakes and reflects on them, making sure to choose a different path in the future, they begin to really mold and shape the trajectory of the path they would’ve otherwise followed.

Anyone can be cut off from your life if you so choose to do so. One of the most important lessons I’m currently learning is to step into my power. To not be afraid to say what I have to say. There is a key notion of being tactful when addressing issues, as no one should feel attacked - not the parent, and certainly not the child. However, repressing emotions to avoid damaging conversations is not the way to go.

For myself, while I wish to discuss openly with my father, I have a hard time because he dismisses me. As a man raised in his time period, the emphasis his father placed for him is “being smart.” My father is praised as a child for being smart, but I have no notion of him being praised for being emotionally vulnerable. As a child, my father also imposed this lesson onto me: education, rather than the emotional body.

Of course the argument here could be that the mother should step in and be emotionally vulnerable with their child. In both cases, the case of my father and of myself, our mothers are emotionally fragile. Not in the sense of being easily broken, but more like a bomb. Reactive, defensive, and, on the occasion, catastrophic. I never received the impression that my father was close with my grandmother. At least, not emotionally.

I know I should be grateful for what I have. And in many ways, I am. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it hadn’t been for my parents and everything they’ve sacrificed. After all, they are human beings too; not just “mom” and “dad.” They have their own ups and downs and emotional / mental dilemmas that prevent them from fully holding themselves accountable.

This is where forgiveness comes in. It does not dismiss the pain you feel, nor disvalidate the emotions you experience. Rather, it liberates you from feeling tied down by your parents presence. You can distance yourself, or cut them out completely, so you don’t feel those spiritual chords tying you to them anymore. In the bigger scheme of things, you are not owned by anyone but yourself, and perhaps the deity you choose to believe in.

Stepping into your power is a hefty process but one I am currently working on, as an individual apart of this planet’s ecosystem. As I maneuver my way through my life via the choices I make, I will become the person that I choose to present in this world.