Pride As A Virtue
Life as Legibeti-quoi
First off: explaining the subtitle, so as not to be hunted down by people who actually speak French... "Legibeti-quoi" is the phonetic garble of LGBT, followed by the French 'quoi', representing the often-left-out QIA+ part of the acronym.
There's a nod and a wink to the actual French phrase "Je ne sais quoi": literally 'I don't know what that means', colloquially an indefinable but attractive quality. Also, a sly nudge to those who use Q as in Questioning.
Pride is often described as one of the seven deadly sins, particularly when used by conservatives trying to use extremist religious takes as a winning argument against The Gays Corrupting Our Youth. (please insert eyeroll here)
In excess, anything can be made a Sin. In moderation, even the Classic Seven can be virtuous.
Nowadays, Pride is often linked to the LGBTQ+ Rights Movement. Our right to exist, and to be treated as equal, both socially and under the law. Our right to be ourselves, and celebrate who we are. Our right to love, and live, as we choose.
To me, Pride is Courage. The courage to stand up and say "This is Me, this is who I am."
Pride is Honesty. The metaphorical "Closet" exists because not everyone is ready to admit to who they are, and that's ok. Sometimes we need to live in Narnia for a bit in order to return to our own world as the best version of ourselves.
(And if you need to burst out of the closet with a Baby Gay Song and a shower of confetti, that's ok too. Just clean it up afterward and avoid getting glitter on anyone else without their consent.)
Pride is Love. Love for yourself and love for others, whether or not they're they same as you.
Pride is Truth. The truth of who you are and who you will become. The truth that we exist, have always existed, and will not vanish just because certain parties disagree with our existance.
Pride is Community. Everyone individual, be they friend or stranger, united in efforts to make the future better, so no one else has to suffer like we did in the past.
I grew up without words for what and who I was.
Asexual was something covered briefly in biology and classification, something that occasionally happened in nature when traditional reproduction wasn't always an option. My complete lack of interest in sex was brushed off as "Oh, honey, you'll find the right man someday..." or sneers of prudishness and claims of lying if I didn't find the celebrity d'jour attractive.
A boyfriend was something I'd been socialised to want, and as the weird, bullied kid for most of my school career, I equated 'boyfriend' with 'person who is nice to you and spends lots of time together', which was an appealing prospect, since my one friend and I didn't have many classes together and my twin and my lifelong bestie both attended different schools.
Finding the Society of Creative Anachronism was a transformative experience. Comprised of unashamed history geeks, people who never outgrew their love of dressing up, and people with varying levels of enthusiasm and skill with antique weapons and crafts, it probably doesn't surprise people to learn that the SCA also skews heavily toward Neuro-Spicy and non-Straight.
Surrounded by people who were open about those aspects of themselves allowed me to take a closer look at myself, in a way that my desperate attempts to fit into and be accepted by everyday society hadn't allowed me to before.
As it turns out, all I needed to be comfortable in my own skin was a hint of acceptance.
I've marched at Pride a few times now.
I probably won't participate in the actual marches again, because it's a sensory hellscape for me, but I'll show support in other ways, like helping with the costumes or the float like I did last year.
Marching in the Pride Parade means a lot of "hurry up and wait", with very little shade or seating available (unless you're part of Disability Pride and have a mobility device that doubles as seating); long, long lines for the portaloos, and roughly six to eight hours of waiting aroudn before you actually get to march. All surrounded by blaring music and shouting crowds.
The four times I've marched, I could barely leave my room the next day, and the sensory headache lasted for days.
I'm proud of the person I've become, and of the growth I've achieved, but there are other ways for me to show that.
About the Creator
Natasja Rose
I've been writing since I learned how, but those have been lost and will never see daylight (I hope).
I'm an Indie Author, with 30+ books published.
I live in Sydney, Australia
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Comments (20)
Natasja, I love your story and am glad you are embracing who you are. For myself, I came out a little bit more a few years ago with the help of my husband, but being married to a man and bi-sexual, there are still some situations that I find a little awkward. On a positive note, though, thanks to some wonderful people from across the spectrum of LGBTQIA, I am starting to feel more confident exploring myself and learning a little more every day. I refuse to allow anyone whether political or not put me down for being who I am.
Truly beautiful, sweet, and inspiring, with a little bit of endearing cheekiness thrown in! As a Neruo-Spicy, non-Straight person, the Society of Creative Anachronism sounds like my type of people and I’m so happy you found them!
Congrats on Top Story!🥳
You're doing amazing work—keep it up, congratulations!
This is an INCREDIBLE read that showcases your awesome skill as a writer as well as your compassionate soul, but can I point out just how much I enjoyed these lines: "Pride is Honesty. The metaphorical "Closet" exists because not everyone is ready to admit to who they are, and that's ok. Sometimes we need to live in Narnia for a bit in order to return to our own world as the best version of ourselves." "(And if you need to burst out of the closet with a Baby Gay Song and a shower of confetti, that's ok too. Just clean it up afterward and avoid getting glitter on anyone else without their consent.)" Kudos on the top story! You rocked this one 😎
… Et Félicitations pour le TS!
Great story and empowering take on the meaning of pride. Also love the Legibeti-quoi explanation and have added the word to my limited French vocabulary
I hope you're enjoying your journey now. I chuckled at the Narnia reference. Wardrobe, closet, funny.
Congrats on the top story!
You should be proud of yourself! Nobody should let religious extremism’s make them feel ashamed about anything! 💖 well written!
A year or two ago a YouTuber by the name of Jaiden Animations came out as being aroace. I learned about asexuality in high school, but I only thought that it was a lack in the desire for a sexual (potentially romantical) relationships, or just a lack of libido, sex drive. I actually asked out an asexual woman before to go on a date because we talked all the time and were always courteous to one another. She politely declined and said, "I'm actually asexual. So that's a no-go for me." Then she made the joke "Dude, seriously, my hair's dyed blue. How did You not know?" I told her I never knew until I asked. You miss all of the shots You don't take. We both had a great laugh and she told me a bit more, and it strengthened my knowledge on being asexual, yet the knowledge I still had at the time wasn't fully formed. Back to Jaiden Animations, I learned that there are asexual people that want to have relationships (due to societal pressures) regardless of sexual orientation, but that they struggle with finding somebody attractive. So, I sort of wondered if some people were just attracted to the extremely objectively beautiful people (think facial/bodily symmetry, accentuated features which enhance their natural looks, maybe a more enhanced sexual dimorphism than the average person, maybe even a higher social status, etc. etc.). Now, I know some people are like that, but I didn't know if asexual people were like that. Then, I learned about being aromantic. As in they're fine with having friends and family relationships, so they have no desire to be in a relationship that's romantical, but that aromantic does not mean asexual, and vice versa. So, it always perplexed me that some asexual people wanted to have a relationship, but were incapable of having one based on how their body and mind just operate. It's just how they are. And then I learned that there are asexual people that do enjoy sexual activity, but not for the relationship aspect. Whether it's by themselves or with somebody else it's about enjoying something pleasurable to them. That was an easier concept for me to understand than it was about people that don't innately want a relationship because they're aromatic, but that they want a relationship because it's viewed as the norm. Like, I figured that if people want to be left alone, that's alright, their time and energy is their business. Yet, wanting something that you don't innately desire has always perplexed me. It seems like an incompatible, paradoxical, nature. Just a lot of internal turmoil. Either way, it's nice to know that You've grown into who've You desire to become, Yourself. The parts where You typed "Narnia" and "neuro-spicy" made me smile and chuckle a little bit. I like that You added Your own pizazz while writing about Your experiences in this article.
The concept of Pride has always been strange to me. Mostly because I could never wrap my head around the point. Not because I don't believe everyone deserves to live their most authentic lives, but because it's staggering that people actively want to oppress, repress, erase, and silence the LGBTQ2s+. It's madness to me that anyone could possibly care enough about who someone else wants to sleep with, or if like yourself they don't wish to sleep with anyone, as to put actual effort into preventing that. I mean, consenting adults can do what they like, that's part of the freedoms enshrined into almost every developed country. And that's how it should be. Alas we have to fight for you all to be accepted, protected, normalized. How strange is that? That we have to work to normalize something so natural? Fear is at the root of it, sadly, though I honestly don't know what those who are against you fear. It's never made sense. Men in dresses, women in 'men's clothes', persons who are neither one nor the other, persons who identify with another sex or gender, what is there to fear? It's absurd. Much like yourself, I don't do parades. Far too much stimulation. But I make a point of, in my life, never judging people for that which they cannot control. No one chooses to be (can I say Queer? I haven't been paying close attention to the proper language updates) any more than they can choose their height or the natural colour of their eyes. Speaking only for myself, I support your right to exist, all of you. And promise to continue doing what I can to ensure that you're as safe as possible in the bubble of the world I can influence.
A fantastic piece though I wish that it didn't need to be written. Alas, that it where we are. Though I cannot fathom for the life of me how anyone has the arrogance to agree or disagree with anyone else's existence.
Thank you for this. I love how you describe what pride means to you. I also love that you are an ACE. I haven't met a lot of people that are like me.
This really spoke to me: "As it turns out, all I needed to be comfortable in my own skin was a hint of acceptance." Nice work.
I actually rolled my eyes a second before reading your line to cue the eye-roll. Thank you for talking openly about your identity and about what Pride means. I’m still finding my place in this community and with my identity (omnisexual), and it helps to see how others talk about theirs. Wonderfully written piece.
I love how you defined Pride as courage, love, community, honesty, and truth. Pride is believing in yourself and knowing that you are worthy and that you matter in this world
I love the ‘quoi’! Great article and I’m glad you had the opportunity to be yourself. I think that’s all anyone wants (and deserves).
I relate deeply to pride being a sensory overload. I went once in college and once right after Pulse. It's too much for me. I really enjoyed this reflection. Well done!
Excellent article, Natasja. Being able to name & claim who you are & what Pride is is so important & you have done that extremely well here. I'm so glad you found your peeps who will accept you for who you are.