Hymnal to the Clouds
a poem
A/N: I recommend a slow reading pace.
Resplendent are the robes of winter
that glitter hoar upon the fields,
swallow snow inside the dawn-hewn clouds.
I stand before their widening jaws,
silence pushing ears like lungs
fighting against a hold. Can time
be of use to me now? It’s my heart
keeping blood below my skin
and tears running off my chin.
Frozen are the lights in midwinter’s clutch,
but not the waters that bring its splendor.
I clash against the world before me,
crash into its containment, the refracted shine
of virgin snowfall. Let the sun shine for minutes
on the hour, practice a hymnal I’ve long forgot;
bring its praise to a fading blush ‘round my cheek.
I will kneel before the jaws at dusk,
a twilit air to stir my soul’s crude howl. Is this
a splendid night? Wintry moonlight, whispering flakes;
is there a coming radiance or a crystalline needle
threaded with stillness and shining?
As the day strains its rays through the coming stars,
I curl into a bed of boreal glass. To watch them fall,
down, down, into a blinking basin, winking as cosmic
secrets kept only by day. My ears, pulsing,
my eyes aglow and streaming. A reflected failure.
And time has not saved me this time. I am not fine.
Let me rise to burgeoning chill, stroke the clouds
with hands cupping my own tears, my heart,
burning as a pyre. Let me rise to see
that sumptuous morning star.
A/N:
Dear Paul,
I chose not to write my poem about why the words were favorite or least favorite, as I cannot seem to coordinate my reasons with the verses. Instead, I simply used the words in a poem that needed to be written down, and here below, I will explain.
“Resplendent” is my go-to favorite word, though I truly adore SO MANY. Probably 98 or 99 percent of words I adore, so it was that much harder to find a word I did NOT like. As a matter of principle (for me), it’s the sound or shape of a word that determines my love or hate of it, and so, while I might dislike one that represents a disgusting object in reality, like booger or spew, I can not hate it truly, for the word itself is generally fun to say or spell. But the sound and shape of the word “fine?” Euch. I do not like it. It’s too flat. It paints with dull red and gray, it’s ugly, like rust, except that “rust” has texture and “fine” does not. It’s bland, and it is used to characterize an emotion that is also flat and bland. It’s like a verbal shrug. And I cannot use it in a way I like, not even as a noun. A monetary “fine” is also an unpalatable thing. Very final, and definitely not a fun word to read or say. It’s whiny, nasal, thin, rigid. Nope nope!
Thank you for such a complex prompt; a true challenge, indeed. It was an honor to participate. I hope I did it justice. 😀
Here is Paul's super-fun challenge:
About the Creator
Mackenzie Davis
“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll
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Copyright Mackenzie Davis.
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Comments (30)
You are on a Top Story roll! WELL DONE! 😁
Beautiful Maxkenzie, the metaphorical element runs throughtout so perfectly and the image of winter are stunning. Every line is an emtion "Frozen are the lights in midwinter’s clutch,but not the waters that bring its splendor." Just wow! Sorry I missed this when it was TS and so glad that Paul highlighted it -Congratulations! And I entirely agree with 'fine'...not as bad as, 'Nice' thought :)
I got chills reading this. Beautiful!
Psssssssssssst pal. Mackenzie, it gives me great pleasure to nudge you towards this link - congrats doesn't really cut it - https://vocal.media/writers/most-favourite-and-least-favourite-words-poetry-challenge-the-winners-alfu0972
This improved my life.
This was so beautiful Mackenzie and I love that this was for one of Paul's challenges!! I keep reminding myself I need to get over there and write something for it too! 😅 Great work and congrats on Top Story!
Wow Mackenzie! You’ve outdone yourself here. What a gem of a poem. I love the skilful word choice, rhymes, half rhymes, assonance, and stunning imagery. Lines like ‘a crystalline needle threaded with stillness and shining?’ The idea of silence pushing against your ear—just so clever. This is a beautifully and carefully constructed work of art. Congratulations on well-deserved TS xx
Amazing poem and beautiful. word arrangement is very nice. Visit:- https://medium.com/@earlkmiller
This was just brilliant on so many levels. The images, the emotions it conjured while reading, even your explanation at the end. It was mighty.
Just back to say congrats on your top story Mackenzie! 😊
Congrats on top story!!
Yayyyyy I'm back to say congratulations for your Top Story!
Such beautiful word play that unfolds into a wonderful emotional poem. Congratualtions
There it is. Congrats on the TS.
SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE! I'll be back.
This. THIS IS DIVINE!!! I love this. I'm so happy that I came across this beautiful piece. The verses unfold with a rhythmic grace..Ahhh love it💘 Congratulations from your new fan! 🎉
There we go. Congrats. Absolutely well deserved and Seeeeeeeeeeeeee they are scared of the shit I'd cause if it didn't get the Top Story. hahahahaha!
Well now, this is just stunning, Mackenzie! I've read it twice and it blew my mind both times. Absolutely incredible work! Also loved your letter at the end. I agree with you on the word fine. Absolutely do not enjoy it at all. And resplendent! Ugh, I just adore it! Incredible entry!
My wife & I both use "fine" as a placeholder for "not so much" or "not so good" when we're really not wanting to say. "Resplendent", on the other hand, is resplendent.
I read this several times because it's so amazing, and these lines kept grabbing me "As the day strains its rays through the coming stars, I curl into a bed of boreal glass." It's like being trapped inside an emotional snow globe and every times things settle some one, some struggle picks up the world and shakes it.
Mackenzie, this is absolutely glorious! I've read it 3x over and I feel like I discover something new each time. So intricate...refined, powerful yet delicate. A sincere thoughtfulness and love of language carries through here. What a remarkable take on Paul's challenge!!
I like that you chose to do poetry for this! I think I like that first word now too!! 😁👏
So many things...so many things, Mackenzie. I knew this was going to be spectacular from the title, for some reason. You did not disappoint and I am glad you produced such a beautiful piece for my silly little challenge. That's the thing I think we have in common...when I was setting this challenge, I was glad I wasn't taking part because I honestly would have found it hard to find a word I really didn't like...the meh words like fine and okay...are bland, but most words I can find a use for. Even the disgusting, gross words or the ones that represent reprehensible character traits etc. So totally agree with you and love what you did. Just breathtaking, Mackenzie. Seriously. I know you sometimes struggle with the same things as me about whether you are a good writer or not and whatnot. This is evidence of how wrong you are when the negativity sets in. This felt important, intimate, and just stunned me. Thank you for entering and I kinda dislike how hard you've made my job now, lol! Well done and if this isn't a Top Story at some point soon, I'll go to NY and complain, or something less dramatic!
It feels like the sharpness of frost brings to a point all the humours within you too.
I would have never guessed this was for Paul's challenge. Your poem was soooo divine, evocative and powerful! I've only used resplendent once in one of my stories. I've always thought of the word fine as a mask. Like how we always say we're fine to avoid talking about how sad or hurt we are. Loved your poem!